Camp Assault!

1/3/21

I was awakened late last night by a pungent animal scent. After confirming that my hiking boots were not the culprit, I ventured out of my Bivy sack to investigate. Immediately I noted that my campfire had gone out. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that it had been smothered and that my supplies had been scattered around. Once I established that there was no immediate threat to my person within the confines of my campsite I set about rebuilding the fire but to my dismay, I found that all the wood I had spent hours collecting the previous afternoon had mysteriously disappeared. Dispirited, I retreated to my sack and tried to find sleep once more.

1/4/21

The next morning, I spent time putting my despoiled camp back in order. Whoever this nocturnal prankster was had left sign nearby in the form of a relatively fresh pile of scat! I vowed that this evening the perpetrator would find me prepared should he, she, or it visit again. My extensive knowledge of bush-craft includes the fashioning of a variety of traps and snares for game of all shapes and sizes. I found some tough grass and proceeded to fabricate some twine for which to assemble a set of traps which I planned to place around the perimeter of my camp. I based the size and overall construction of my traps on the mass of the intruder’s droppings. This required some large and thick limbs which I spent some hours harvesting with my hand axe. Exhausted from so much physical exertion I took a brief nap before finishing. Later, I took time to examine the offender’s scat in some detail and found evidence of apple pie among his recent meals. Some mad patriot roaming the dark woods? I now sit and enjoy a few more Pringles and watch the sunset feeling more secure now that my camp is protected. My own ingenuity often impresses even myself. 

1/5/21

Once again, I was called from my Bivy Sack, this time by the unmistakable sound of wood knocks. As I scrambled into my boots I noted that these sounds were in close proximity to the camp. Grabbing a small log from my refreshed firewood supply I replied, bashing it into a nearby spruce tree. Breathlessly I waited for any reply or sound. Eureka! A clear knock! Seemingly even closer to my position. I grabbed my coat and hat and my instruments, my heart pounding with excitement I moved quickly towards the sound and into the night! Never had I been this close to a live subject and I was determined not to waste this opportunity.

I grabbed my coat and hat and my instruments, my heart pounding with excitement I moved quickly towards the sound and into the night! Never had I been this close to a live specimen, and I was determined not to waste this opportunity. Moving with a level of stealth that would put a cougar to shame, I crept along through the dark listening intently for any sound, The forest was oddly quiet, and no insects or other nocturnal species seemed inclined towards vocalizations at this moment. A large Hairy bipedal anthropoid could easily be the cause.

At this point, my excitement reached a level that felt almost sexual in nature as I continued in the direction of the wood knocks. I was about 15 meters from my camp when an enormous roar sounded not five feet from my current position, in the darkness a large black shape was all I could make out. I admit that my giddy anticipation of discovery and the furthering of scientific knowledge evaporated in the light of this new event and my primal brain took hostage my keen intellect as I beat a hasty and undignified retreat to the relative safety of my camp. Sadly, as I approached salvation with the creature crashing through the woods behind me, I became a victim of my own genius as in my haste I had forgotten about the security measures I put in place earlier. Thankfully the beast gave up the pursuit since I had been whipped up into the air and was now suspended from a tree by one leg approximately two meters from the ground. Luckily, I had my trusty multitool in my pocket so with some effort I was able to reach up and cut the line. As I fell hard to the ground I heard the distinct sound of simian laughter before I lost consciousness. This would not be the last time.