Elk encounter

1/7/21

Luck and ingenuity are rarely in sync so when this occurs and one is as gifted with natural intelligence as I am the results can be absolutely unprecedented. To explain, whilst scouting the lower valleys between the slopes of Mt Saint Helens and Goat Mountain I came across a dead elk. Unfortunately, the stomach had been ruptured most likely by scavengers. This essentially rendered the meat inedible as it was contaminated by bacteria. However, the divine spark that fuels what we humans refer to as consciousness lit the fires of my imagination and I took on the arduous task of removing the poor animal’s skin. Exercising great care I was able to remove the hide with minimal damage. I made an impromptu shelter since the light was fading and moved the rotted meat some distance from my meager lean-to shelter to attract any would-be predators elsewhere. I decided not to make a fire since the climate was far milder at lower elevation than the mountain slopes and I had plenty of cover from the wind or any rain that might occur. 

1/8/21

After a reasonably restful night’s sleep (One does get accustomed to the hard graft that is wildlife biology in its purest form. No comfy laboratories for this professor but I digress) I spent the morning scraping the interior of the hide to which I had left the head attached. Further deliberation led me to punch a smallish hole in the skull and with an improvised “hook” I removed a fair portion of the brain tissue, a similar technique to the one employed by ancient Egyptians when mummifying their dead. For the rest, I harvested sinew to enable me to fabricate some thread and cordage so I could secure it to my body. Sewing up the neck for instance and punching some eye holes with my trusty Multitool (a must-have item for anyone entering the bush). The test fitting was promising so with some minor tweaks and a liberal dousing in Elk estrus to disguise my own scent (which has become rather epic after all these months of roughing it) it should be good to go. This will be called Project Priam in honor of the events that led to the Trojan horse tactic and the downfall of Troy.

1/10/21

I was able to locate a hunting outfitter in a nearby town once I was able to reestablish a cell signal. The day was largely spent trekking into town to acquire estrus of the Cervus canadensis species to aid in completing my handcrafted costume. I hitched a ride into town from a local who completely uninvited informed me that former President Donald Trump was secretly still running the U.S. government from the confines of Air Force One. Donald Trump ever being President of the United States of America came as a surprise to me having been so caught up in the search for G. blacki I’m apparently woefully, no dangerously behind on current events! Note: purchase of newspaper while in town!

10/12/21

I rose this morning and with some haste broke my fast and cleaned up the camp. I carefully rolled up my disguise and strapped it to my pack. The extra load was more than I had anticipated but I was keen to test my hypothesis and thus soldiered on though with no small difficulty.

I managed to pick up the spoor of a herd of Elk and it occurred to me that the best test of this new technique would be an attempt to infiltrate a herd of the species my outfit represented. Who better would know their own kind? If it went well, I could only imagine how effective this might be in beguiling my target hominid species, which in my experience are far less nervous of their fellow woodland creatures than your average ungulate.  
Utilizing all the woodcraft I could muster, I made silent but steady progress until I spotted the group of Elk I had been tracking. Carefully concealing my pack beneath the Elk hide (for extra bulk) I fastened it to me as quickly and quietly as I could and then doused myself estrus.

The scent almost made me vomit but I swallowed it back down in the name of science and proceeded forward. I made sure to stop, bleat, and mew, imitating their own vocalizations to the best of my abilities. As I edged closer I could see that this was a herd of young bulls, bachelors that had yet to challenge for a herd gathered together for the relative safety that numbers provided. With some trepidation, I continued my slow but steady approach, looking for signs of aggression or fear. As I entered the clearing, I lowered my head in a pretense of feeding off the lush grasses. They seemed mildly curious. Turning in my direction and scenting the air, a smallish buck, approached cautiously, ears twitching. The strong scent of the estrus must have finally hit his nostrils as the evidence of his new level of interest had become disturbingly erect and was pointing in my direction. Others in the herd, attracted by the hormonal scent of a female in heat were also turning their attention towards my expert theatrics. I decided then and there to execute a strategic withdrawal. He circled around looking to mount me.

I kept the buck in front of me as I backed away loathe to give up this experiment since the results so far supported my hypothesis. Good science requires sacrificing one’s dignity as well as the risk of life and limb should circumstances call for it. Suddenly a commotion among the rest of the herd distracted my paramour enough for me to stand up and make a proper exit. But the sight of one of the other bucks dropping to the ground with a bolt sticking out of its neck stopped me in my tracks. The poor thing made a feeble attempt to climb to its feet as chaos erupted and the bevy of bachelors exploded in every direction. A second buck took another bolt (crossbow bolt, for clarification). To the rump but managed to scamper off. Suddenly I was reminded of my current couture which had been convincing enough to fool the Elk and thus I panicked and started to crawl away. A force struck my pack and I was flung flat to the ground. In my mind’s eye, I could imagine that I would see a bolt jutting out of it through my hide covering.

I decided it would be best to play possum until these poachers had stopped their indiscriminate killing before revealing myself.  I waited a few minutes until I heard their approaching footsteps. I slowly reached for my can of bear spray and waited for them to get closer. I heard a comment that this Elk must have been ill (me I assume). I rolled on my side and released the Bear spray up into their faces. Their expressions of shock turned to agony as they dropped their weapons and clawed uselessly at their eyes. I quickly grabbed their crossbows and with not even howdy do I left them to two men to whatever fate the wrathful gods of nature had in mind.